Time to Reflect...and Learn!

As the year 2012 knocks at the door, I want to pretend I’m not home so it will go away. I want to freeze time. There’s still so much to accomplish in 2011; and with only five days left, I’m feeling the pressure. However, the work that I still need to do is all about learning.

Of course, learning takes place every day of our lives if we let those lessons seep into our conscience. My learning has been especially rich and extensive in 2011. And, there’s still SO much more learning that can be compacted into the next five days, which would leave me ready to start January one fresh and renewed.

I know I contradict myself – stating that every day is about learning, but also stating that I want to squeeze all my current lessons into the next five days so I can begin to LIVE those lessons on January one. This is one of my lessons, I suppose. How to accept that the growth and learning is a constant in our lives, not an end point?

When you learned something in school, you had an end point to that lesson – usually reflected in a test of some sort. Did you absorb the information and turn it into a real lesson? Or, did you just pass the exam only to forget it weeks or years later? School didn’t do a very good job of teaching that learning was a cumulative process. Or maybe I just didn’t pass that part of the lesson?

There’s no end point to learning. One can stop and take stock of all previous learning (and one SHOULD do this regularly), but one must also keep those lessons ever present in the mind so that exponential growth can occur. The best lessons build upon one another; old becoming new again, new coming from years of old lessons that have finally gelled. Real lessons are ALWAYS built on cumulative experiences and information.

Maybe life and learning is like a big ball of twine. Every moment of life that we experience moves us further along the strand, while it wraps itself around us like a cocoon. The challenge is in not letting the layers of twine paralyze us, but instead seeing that they can hold us to the lessons we’re meant to learn.  The cocoon of twine will trap even the strongest of us if we let it feel like a restraint instead of a lesson (or lessons) to be learned. How easy it has been for me to WANT to free myself from the restraints before the lessons have been learned, but that’s only because my perception has been one of restraint, instead of seeing it as a jacket for growth. The layers of twine are really our life lessons that MUST be acknowledged if we hope to become all that we are meant to be.

Having taken this time to reflect on the amazing learning that has taken place in 2011, I think I really am ready for 2012 to come through that door after all, because I sense it will be one of my greatest years of growth and learning yet! I’m eager to learn all the lessons the year will bring, but even MORE excited to apply them to my everyday living so I can be the best ME –-- the ME I’m really meant to be!

Grace

Today I heard something that’s still lingering deep in my soul --- words spoken to me during a period of deep emotional pain. “Always carry yourself with grace; hold your head high and show your grace.” What a blessing I heard in these words!

The source was a woman who originates from the Southern US, where women are told, even trained, to always be graceful and gracious. As a Yankee, I certainly never learned such a thing. And as a self-avowed realist and a true believer in speaking one’s mind, I have rarely ever paused to consider how to be graceful or represent Grace. What’s so great about Grace anyway? What does it even mean?

Here’s one definition I like, “elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.” Being INTERNALLY beautiful and elegant in ones actions and thoughts is resonating with me as I write this blog. This isn’t just some New Year’s resolution fodder, this is about LIFE!

I was MAD today! I was HURT today! I was CONFUSED today! And, I was reacting in my all-too-typical fashion by passive-aggressively pondering how I would approach this painful situation in my life. Then, this Grace word flooded into my ears and began reverberating through my entire being. It made sense. It’s how I want to approach all the tough situations in my life.

I choose to walk the path of Grace; will you walk there with me?

Commitment

A commitment is a pledge, vow or promise. It’s a dedication we consciously make to other people and to certain responsibilities in our lives. Some commitments are entered into with an expected timeframe, such as marriage (that until death thing) and child-rearing. However, most commitments don’t come with a definite end point. We don’t take a job knowing when it will end (unless we work as a temp), we don’t enter a relationship knowing the exact span of time we will be together, we don’t buy a house knowing at what point we’ll decide to move on.

All of us have differing pre-conceived beliefs and opinions about how long a commitment should last. If you spent your entire childhood living in one home, you are likely to think that a “normal” length of commitment to living in a home is 20 or more years; however, if your family moved around a lot, your idea of a “normal” length of home-ownership may be closer to three years. Early family experiences are powerful shapers of one’s ideas about commitment.

I believe that making a commitment is important; a commitment to a relationship, a commitment to a job or career and a commitment to friendships. However, the length of such commitments will vary for each of us and that rich variation is what’s “normal.” Every individual has unique needs and desires that dictate how their life will look.

What I find to be SO much more important than the length of one’s commitments, is the dedication and effort put into those commitments regardless of timeframe. A 20 year-long job or marriage that has lacked engagement, growth and energy is less admirable than a shorter commitment in which you gave it your all and found that you simply needed more. And while that marriage until death commitment thing has been deeply ingrained in our psyches, I choose to believe that it’s far better to live a happy and healthy life than it is to stay in a marriage that's devoid of love and caring.

Some people fear all commitment because they don't think they can live up to other's expectations. Some people make endless commitments yet find it difficult to identify which ones are truly meaningful because they don't want to let anyone down. Each of us must decide for ourselves what our commitments will look like, and how long they will last. There's no "normal" length of time for any commitment, you must find what's right for you!