Commitment

A commitment is a pledge, vow or promise. It’s a dedication we consciously make to other people and to certain responsibilities in our lives. Some commitments are entered into with an expected timeframe, such as marriage (that until death thing) and child-rearing. However, most commitments don’t come with a definite end point. We don’t take a job knowing when it will end (unless we work as a temp), we don’t enter a relationship knowing the exact span of time we will be together, we don’t buy a house knowing at what point we’ll decide to move on.

All of us have differing pre-conceived beliefs and opinions about how long a commitment should last. If you spent your entire childhood living in one home, you are likely to think that a “normal” length of commitment to living in a home is 20 or more years; however, if your family moved around a lot, your idea of a “normal” length of home-ownership may be closer to three years. Early family experiences are powerful shapers of one’s ideas about commitment.

I believe that making a commitment is important; a commitment to a relationship, a commitment to a job or career and a commitment to friendships. However, the length of such commitments will vary for each of us and that rich variation is what’s “normal.” Every individual has unique needs and desires that dictate how their life will look.

What I find to be SO much more important than the length of one’s commitments, is the dedication and effort put into those commitments regardless of timeframe. A 20 year-long job or marriage that has lacked engagement, growth and energy is less admirable than a shorter commitment in which you gave it your all and found that you simply needed more. And while that marriage until death commitment thing has been deeply ingrained in our psyches, I choose to believe that it’s far better to live a happy and healthy life than it is to stay in a marriage that's devoid of love and caring.

Some people fear all commitment because they don't think they can live up to other's expectations. Some people make endless commitments yet find it difficult to identify which ones are truly meaningful because they don't want to let anyone down. Each of us must decide for ourselves what our commitments will look like, and how long they will last. There's no "normal" length of time for any commitment, you must find what's right for you!